A Cure for Constipation

 

I am constipated. Yes, I am unable to flow at my usual rate because there’s something blocking the way.

This may sound disgusting. No, I am not having any trouble in the bathroom. I am having trouble executing my writing ideas. They’re crammed in my head, too much of them at the same time, yet I can’t execute any of them. So my blog is neglected, my stories unfinished, and who knows when I’m gonna write another poem or prose to add to my shabby collection. Let alone the freelance article-writing jobs that are in queue. Deadlines are looming, yet I can’t find a laxative for my thoughts.

So what did I do? Yes… I stared at my blank page and started to type anything – slowly, but sure. Then the ideas just came flowing through my fingers.

NOT (laughs).

You know what I really did? I opened my youtube account and checked the latest installment from the handsome and hilarious Shane Dawson. It was something about a Christmas treat, if I’m not mistaken. It wasn’t too interesting and didn’t feed my hunger for amusement.

So, being quite disappointed in my Shane, I browsed for other options. I remember my sister showing me a video of a funny Canadian-Indian man named Russell Peters who did stand-up comedy. My internet connection was quite fast at that moment so I could load the videos easily. The first one I watched was entitled Russell Peters - Beating Your Kids. My first impression was: What kind of sadistic argument would he make fun of here? Beating kids? That was not the fashion anymore.

I watched the video anyway and found myself LOL-ing in at 2 am. This Indian is extra funny (don’t mean to be racist there, I like Bollywood). He starts by comparing the “white people’s” and the “Indian people’s” style of parenting. The victims who supplied his examples were his dad and a person referred to as “Paul’s Mother”. I don’t know who the heck Paul is. He said it was his childhood friend: an obnoxious kid who liked to swear at his parents.

Well, he argued that when he was a kid, a good beating was something he would get every time he did something wrong. His dad would stare down at him (he acted his out) and, with his distinct Indian accent, say, “Somebody’s gonna get a hurt real bad”. The audience thought this was really funny and laughed and clapped simultaneously.

Then Russell would argue more about how scared he would be and how he would never go against his father. Then he compared himself with Paul, who addresses his mother with a “f*** you, b**ch!” and rarely forgets to show off his middle finger. With a smile and shrug, his mother just says: “what am I gonna do with him?” (something like that, I forgot the exact words).

One day, Russell and Paul play together and Paul says that the way to reply to your parents was to say what he usually said to his mom. So Russell goes home and says “f*** you, b**ch!” to his dad with a hilariously gleeful and proud expression on his face. His dad’s answer was, “do I look like Paul’s mother?”.

He got another “somebody’s gonna get a hurt real bad” from his dad and got a beating. The audience loved it (what a sick audience we have here. I am included).

So he went to Paul again and told his story. Paul said that his Mom wouldn’t ever do it to him. The easiest way to scare her off was to say that he was going to call Child Services. She wouldn’t want to be put in jail because of that.

So Russell goes back home and does some mischief. I think he swears at his dad again. The dialogue went something like this:

Dad: “Somebody’s gonna get a hurt real bad.”

Russell: “I’ll call child services.” (Smugly)

Dad: “Oh really?” (Unbelieving)

Russell: “Yes.”

Dad: “Fine, I’ll go get the phone.”

Russell: (Panicking, not knowing the number) “But they’ll arrest you.”

Dad: “Yes, it’ll be trouble. But they would take 23 minutes to get here. In that time, somebody’s gonna get a hurt real bad.”

Russell was dumbstruck. His trick had backfired. The audience laughed all the way through and applauded.

So Russell kept saying, “White people, beat your kids” just to crack the audience up and then made more assertions towards his background and culture. It was really funny. People reading this should go check it out if they haven’t. It was an old video, uploaded in 2008, I think. Thus, he has been doing it for years. Where have I been all this time?

There are loads of videos about his shows. He has a tendency to make fun of all the races. However, he isn’t mean. They’re all honest and true facts, and he does it nicely with a kind sense of humor.

However, I do warn viewers who are more rigid about the racism issues. This isn’t for the faint of heart. Coarse language and sexual references are also used, so this is definitely for mature audiences.

 

 

Anyway, Russell helped me cure the constipation by lifting my mood. Suddenly I had the will to write and out came the ideas. So I’m dedicating this blog entry to him.

Thanks, Russell! ;)