Menjadi Sesuatu

 

Lihat, aku sedang tumbuh.

Aku sedang berkembang menjadi sesuatu, apapun itu.

Kau bilang itu takdir. Dia bilang itu sesuatu yang harus kutentukan sendiri.

Menurutku itu sesuatu diantara keduanya.

 

Kalian sering menasihati aku agar lebih bijak,

Menancapkan sebatang kayu disampingku, agar aku tumbuh sempurna.

“Karena kita harus berusaha.”

Tapi aku juga seperti ilalang, yang merambat kemana saja,

Bahkan kadang tak sengaja,

Sampai kalian harus memangkas tunas-tunasku,

Agar tak berkembang menjadi “sesuatu”, katamu.

 

Kutahu kalian peduli,

Kalian khawatir aku akan tumbuh menjadi ilalang

Karena aku merambat bukan pada jalur yang telah kau tentukan.

Kadang gerakanku tak wajar, tak biasa.

Namun, sewaktu-waktu, biarkanlah aku seperti itu.

Karena aku sedang tumbuh, berkembang

Menjadi sesuatu.

 

Menjadi

 

Aku.

Encore

“Shit happens.”

“The good only lasts that long.”

“I don’t know why this is happening to me.”

Why does life actually look rather pitiful when these words are said?

Let’s say that when God closes a door He opens two windows or when He closes a window He breaks down a wall or something like that. Or let’s say that stuff happen for a reason and the wheel keeps turning. Or karma is evident and heaven and hell exist (?).

So what if all these quotes, these sayings, are actually true or untrue. So what if there are fanatics and atheists and deists and radicals. Who is right, who is wrong… who has the right to judge?

So what does it prove?

 

difference?

 

Of course not.

 

Maybe it proves that we all believe in something. Anything. And we need it to keep going.

 

Just believe.

Looking Through the Eyes of a Child

Have you ever noticed that expression children have when they uncover an act of kindness, of pure love, of empathy, and of true beauty? It’s their tendency to be subdued by it, as their eyes twinkle with merriment and wonder, and their faces glow with pure joy. Everything they exhibit is raw and real. It is not those thick masks the adults wear frequently to camouflage as an item in society. Nor is it a product of our “cultured” and “cultivated” sense of preference that is too well trained to abide to specific norms. No… Soon, beneath that aging intelligence, we will realize that we cannot see as clearly as we should. Then we’ll know that they hold the power to see everything as it is - untainted and true.

Disconnected

When I write for this blog, it is usually out of impulse, not really out of a carefully structured plan of words. Thus, I write it quickly (don’t wanna let the idea slip) and publish it quickly. That is why I go crazy when the internet connection is messing with me. I can’t cater to the impulses. I don’t get the prospect of publishing anything. So, I don’t write anything at all.

As you can see, I haven’t posted in quite a while. No fashion post. No food post. No story. Nothing. I have been so annoyed by the availability of the network here at my new place. It takes a million years just to load a blog page - I don’t even dream of opening You Tube anymore. Chatting through Gtalk isn’t conveinient at all and I have neglected facebook and twitter altogether because it wastes more time than it usually does with very little achieved.

I rely on the internet for my activities. I write and publish stuff on my blog. I watch entertainment on You Tube. I socialize on facebook and twitter. Yes, if it makes me sound like a secluded introvert, maybe I am. Since I am new here at my new place (duh) I haven’t made too may friends. I don’t hang out often. Plus I don’t have a TV yet (not that I like to watch many things on it). I have to keep in touch with my old friends so I use the internet. It’s cheaper than telephone. It makes sense enough, right? However, now I’ve been disconnected from the network, the world, and my sources of entertainment.

Anyway, If this internet connection trouble persists I have the risk of dying from boredom and lack of social nourishment.

 

Geez… I gotta get a life here.